I Try Again

(Author’s Note: I still haven’t hit a story arc I really love enough to write in consistently, so I’ll keep switching it up)

The life of an adventurer is tough. Especially when you’re blamed for having destroyed half of the realms, which, ironically, is your evil twin’s work.
Too convenient, eh? That’s what the bartender with one arm says while he drives me out of his tavern with a bar stool.
But that’s a long story, that I may tell, sooner or later.
And I have forgotten the pleasantries once again. Welcome to the land of (submit your suggestions in comments!), where magic is not only legal, it’s a necessity. My name is (also up for polling), and I’ll be your tour guide. While most tours will take you to the usual sights of the King’s castle, the Summer Festival, and a look at the Leviathan from the Docks, consider my tour the “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” version. Not only will you witness the cowardly dragon, but also the blind medusa, the Undead Choir, and the Dungeons of No Danger Whatsoever. But let me fully introduce myself.
They say “Children in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the backseat make children”. An unfortunate product of Happy Hour, me and my twin brother grew up in what you could call a typical rural lifestyle, if you consider growing cheese and breeding weasels normal. From these humble beginnings, I learned how to fight with incredible savagery, from the “Watermelon Kung-Fu Cut” to the “Angry Weasel Pack Dodge”. Eventually, a pack of rabid squirrels came to my home while I was at the market, and took my parents and brother to slave labor in their nut mines at the core of the Earth. Without purpose, I wandered from job to job, a simple mercenary for hire, including playing bass lute in a Heavy Wood Band and a security guard for a Veterinarian. It was there that I received my first clues to recovering my past: where the entrance to that Evil Nut Mine was…

(Author’s Edit: If you like where this is going, comment on that too. If not, comment on that too)